My boyfriend is transgender but won’t reveal himself as he fears he'd lose me

My boyfriend is transgender but won’t reveal himself as he fears he'd lose me

DEAR DEIDRE: MY boyfriend and I have got an intense relationship – and broken up many times over the six years we’ve been together.

I am a 34-year-old gay man and he is 32. There is such a strong pull between us that we always get back together.


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The last time we broke up was for six months.

By the time we sorted things out again, I saw a big change and I’m just not comfortable with it.

I really care about him but he has been wearing women’s clothes, including underwear, and plenty of make-up, which I don’t like.

Now I am worried that deep down he is a trans woman but won’t fully reveal himself as he’s worried he would lose me.

I wish he could be happy in his natural state. What can I do?

DEIDRE SAYS: You are obviously unhappy your boyfriend does not want to live in what you believe is his natural state.

But he is clearly happier dressing as a woman.

I’m afraid you cannot ever change someone else. You can only change your reaction to him.

You need to think about whether you can accept him as he wants to live.

Ask yourself if what you share is enough to make your relationship work?

You both need to talk openly to work through these issues.

Read my support pack Looking After Your Relationship to improve your communication with each other.

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