I had sex with my husband while he was asleep, but he claims it was rape

I had sex with my husband while he was asleep, but he claims it was rape

DEAR DEIDRE: I managed to get my husband aroused enough in his sleep to have sex with me, but when I told him the next morning, he said I’d raped him.

We are both 28 and we’ve been married for a year.


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I thought it was a bit of fun. We hadn’t had sex for ages because of his work. He was always tired, but one night, I couldn’t resist him.

His eyes stayed closed and it felt so sensual having me in control.

I told him the next day and he shocked me, saying I’d raped him – and then he smiled and said it was OK, but if the boot had been on the other foot and he’d done something to me, how would I feel?

I thought about it and he’s absolutely right. Consent is key. I didn’t ask for his consent.

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He told me that even if he did go to the police, they wouldn’t take it seriously.

It’s made me question my motives and I feel terrible thinking what I did was acceptable.

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DEIDRE SAYS: Yes, you’re right. You must always get consent.

If a person can’t give consent, because they are too drunk, have taken drugs, or are incapacitated in any way then don’t do it.

Men can be raped but this involves penetration. The police will take any report seriously and what you did could be deemed a sexual assault.

You’re lucky your husband wasn’t upset and he’s been understanding, but your letter is a warning to all to always get consent before sex.

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