DEAR DEIDRE: I HAD my head turned by a woman when I went out for drinks with my mates.
She was petite with a beautiful smile. We had been making eye contact all evening and when she brushed past me whispering, “Hello handsome” my stomach flipped.
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At the end of the night I went out to the beer garden for a smoke and she followed. I have never felt such a pull before and we ended up having a passionate kiss before one of my friends interrupted us.
I had no time to get her number but am constantly on the lookout for her. I haven’t been able to get her out of my head.
This encounter has left me so confused, I told my wife I wanted out of our marriage — and we have now split, although I am still living in the house until I sort out my living arrangements.
I’m 46 and my wife’s 43. We’ve been married for 15 years and have two young daughters.
My wife has cared for our children while I have been always busy with work.
We have got along and been comfortable together but are more friends than lovers. Our sex life had been non-existent for over a year.
But even though we have now split, we have somehow ended up in bed a few times and the sex has been mindblowing even though I no longer have feelings for her.
My wife has asked me to go with her for marriage counselling and has even suggested we start over, but my heart isn’t in it.
She says it’s something we can work on but I’m not convinced.
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Mostly, I push her away when she comes on to me but sometimes we end up in bed.
It’s very strange but no matter how much my wife fights for me, it isn’t enough for me.
DEIDRE SAYS: Almost all of us can feel attracted to another sometimes but your behaviour points to a midlife crisis.
This often creeps up on men who’ve spent years providing for their family, and they think: “What’s it all about?”.
My support pack Midlife Crisis tells more, including where to find support.
I know you say you and your wife are more like friends, but with 15 years of marriage there will be positives to your relationship that you are overlooking.
You owe it to your wife and daughters to make a serious effort to make it work.
Put this stranger out of your mind and focus on what changes you would need to feel more committed.
It is possible to fall back in love but don’t add to your wife’s pain by having sex with her if you have no intention of trying to make your relationship work.
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