DEAR DEIDRE: I HAVE had three serious relationships but one by one each of them dumped me because I couldn’t have sex with them. I couldn’t even let them touch me down there.
If any partners have got anywhere near my privates I tense up. I just hate the feeling, it makes me panic.
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I am a 25-year-old woman and work for a big bank. Everyone assumes I have everything to look forward to, but instead I feel life is passing me by. How can I have a proper relationship if I can’t even have sex?
Any medical examination, like a smear test, has to be done under anaesthetic otherwise I start to cry and scream.
I’ve even had a gynaecologist examine me internally to reassure me everything is normal. I know my reaction is illogical.
DEIDRE SAYS: You are experiencing vaginismus.
This is when your body automatically tenses up, including the muscles around the vagina, as a reaction to the fear of penetration.
This fear often originates in an individual’s past.
If your upbringing taught you sex was dirty, or if you had an early sexual incident where you were hurt, these memories could still affect you.
I’m sending you my leaflet Afraid To Have Sex, which explains more and includes techniques for you to start building up confidence.
You may need counselling, or speak to your doctor and ask to be referred to a sex therapist.
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