Late Night Doesn’t Think It’s Possible to Mute Trump

Late Night Doesn’t Think It’s Possible to Mute Trump

Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.

Is This Thing On?

After the chaos of the first presidential debate, Thursday’s matchup will feature a mute button, with each candidate’s microphone turned off for two minutes while his opponent has the floor.

But that won’t stop President Trump from talking over Joe Biden, Trevor Noah predicted on Tuesday. “He’s just going to shout or, even worse, he’ll just walk over to Biden and use his mic,” Noah said. “He’ll probably lick it, too, just to mark his territory.”

“Muting the mics — it’s the same strategy my daughter’s teacher uses for Zoom kindergarten.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“Meanwhile, Americans are like, ‘Oh no, don’t worry, we’ve already been doing that for a long time.’” — JIMMY FALLON

“Biden and Trump will be muted during the two-minute answer period so this one doesn’t turn into another ‘Senior Citizen Bum Fights’ video.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“Would a mute button even work on Donald Trump? I feel if you turn off his microphone, he’ll just pull another one out of his hair or something.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“And this is good: If the mute button doesn’t work, Kristen Welker will have a water spritzer to spray the candidates.” — JIMMY FALLON

The Punchiest Punchlines (Muted Edition)

“The debate commission has announced they will mute the microphone of the person who shouldn’t be speaking to give the other person the chance to talk, which I think is actually a good idea — I mean, as long as Jeffrey Toobin isn’t in charge of the mute button.” — TREVOR NOAH

“That’s the current state of our politics — we need a mute button.” — JIMMY FALLON

“Said Bernie, ‘They’re using microphones?’” — SETH MEYERS

“Of course, Trump could just interrupt Biden by walking over to his podium, which is why the debate commission is also putting him on a child leash.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“While we’re at it, how about a fast-forward button? Just zip straight to November 3.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

The Bits Worth Watching

Matthew McConaughey talked to Trevor Noah about his new memoir, “Greenlights.”

What We’re Excited About on Wednesday Night

Eric Andre will tell Jimmy Kimmel what to expect from the fifth season of his sketch comedy show, which premieres Sunday night on Adult Swim.

Also, Check This Out

In this week’s My Ten, Sam Smith talks about drawing inspiration from Rihanna, Robert Mapplethorpe and David Attenborough.

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