Bachelor New Zealand tell-all: The horror show that left me crying ‘just break up already’

Bachelor New Zealand tell-all: The horror show that left me crying ‘just break up already’

OPINION:

There was only one question on everyone’s mind during the Bachelor and Bachelorette New Zealand tell-all special- are Lexie and Hamish or Moses and Annie still together?

Don’t bother lying to me by saying you don’t care, it’s CLEARLY the only reason anyone tuned into that episode.

But oh my gosh, we may have witnessed television’s slowest descent into that answer (because we didn’t find out the real truth until today).

First, host Art Green sat down with Kimi, Chanel and Shivani to discuss any regrets they may have had.

The short answer? No regrets. But then came the regrets.

“I wish I had gotten up in Moses’ face and been like you know what, this isn’t how you treat women, this isn’t for me.” When Art asked Kimi why she felt this way, she simply replied, “he’s quite ‘smoke screeny’.”

My grandma said the same thing, Kimi.

Lana, Sam and Negin then discussed what it was like in the filming bubble.

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“Over time you move away from your life and forget who you are a little bit,” Lana expressed, and the girls agreed.

And our favourite funny girl, Sam, didn’t disappoint. “The day I left I didn’t think I was leaving; I was that cocky.” She was slightly shocked about being swapped out with Lydia but said it worked in her favour as she ended up getting a dramatic exit with all the girls crying.

And finally, we talked about the one thing that my boss and I had to debrief on after every episode… Moses’ footwear.

“It’s not sexy, you’re here to impress 22 girls, make the effort.” Ahh, I had missed Sam’s one-liners.

And finally, the man himself, Moses, came on screen with a surprise gift – a pair of Crocs for Art that were anything but “shakazoo” worthy.

Like I said, the show was a Hamish and Lexie style slow burn.

Then Moses talked about how strange it was to try to connect with everyone with time constraints and he noted that the 22 breakups were the absolute worst part. Art comforted him, “well done, because it’s bloody hard”.

Well done for breaking up with 22 women Moses. Well done.

The beautiful Shenae then came on to discuss the breakup, “It was tough to end the entire thing in such an abrupt way.” Thankfully, it seems they still have a friendship there and Shenae left with the class we came to know her for.

And finally, the part we had been waiting for, and slightly already assumed to be the case.

Annie and Moses announced they are no longer together and when asked about what happened when the cameras finished rolling, they said they headed down south and spent time with her family, but the honeymoon period and their relationship was cut short.

“We had a really awesome connection and we still do; I think we will be friends forever.”

Annie gushed but the bachelorettes were almost sickened by the response. And I kind of felt the same.

But then came part 2, with host Art welcoming the Bachelorette cast to the stage.

Contestants Vaz, Jack and Paul took centre stage and discussed their takes on how the season went down. Jack wasn’t regretful of his decision to leave before home visits, um, is anyone else seeing the correlation between him and Chanel?

And Paul, the coolest guy Art knows, relayed what the Bachelorettes said about being in a bubble while filming the show.

Jo, Jake and once again, Vas then had a chat with Art. The lovable Jo wasn’t very impressed with the whole reality TV vibe and said he had three weeks between dates with Lexie. Yikes.

Vaz once again talked about not being happy that he was portrayed as the shirtless guy with a good body, but is anyone else getting the vibe that he low key loves the attention of being known as the hot guy?

Jake spoke about being the nice guy and said, “it was a great experience, yeah. I wouldn’t knock it.” But you know what he would knock? Being compared to brother Quinn, “we are different people, have different paths and different lives.”

Damien, Matt and Jo then sat on the couch to talk about all things emotional with Art. “What you saw on there is probably what you get but probably a little more emotional,” Jo said about Matt. It was a cute moment.

“Jack and I squeezed lemon in each other’s eyes,” Matt revealed which honestly wasn’t surprising because of course, that’s what a mansion of men do. OF COURSE.

Lexie finally graced our screens and gave the heartbreaking confession that while it might be reality TV, it’s surprisingly real. “At the start it’s sad but not many true feelings are hurt, but near the end it gets harder and on reality TV surprisingly there are a lot of true feelings.”

Todd joined her on the couch to debrief, “No one likes being broken up with but for everyone to see it, that was rough.” And then he made a sly comment, or not so sly comment that outlined his feelings for Hamish “I can’t say a bad word about Hamish, even though I want to. I’m happy for you guys.”

Was a dramatic breakup on the cards? Was Lexie about to run off with Todd and spice up this TV special? Sadly no.

“Ugh, Todd still such a good guy,” Lexie replied. “I know, I know,” Todd replied, which made me glad Lexie chose Hamish because any guy who cockily admits he’s a good guy like that, may be a red flag or two.

FINALLY, Hamish joined Lexie on the couch and immediately we knew they were still together at the time of filming – despite recently deleting all content of each other from social media. Yawn. But that was before we woke up this morning to the devastating news they had actually broken up afterwards.

They didn’t watch the season together, but they did spend all summer loving it up and said they were even thinking of moving to the Mount (RIP to that dream!). So while Moses and Annie didn’t get their fairytale ending, at least Lexie and Hamish appeared to – for the fleeting, blissful unaware hours we had before we found out the truth this morning that is.

And it only took us 90 long minutes of the special to find that out.

Still not satisfied? There is one final After Party episode tonight.

Can’t get enough of The Bachelorette NZ on TVNZ 2?

Catch up with ZM’s Carwen Jones and Celia Whitley as they break it all down in the official podcast, Can I Steal You For A Second? After each episode airs, join the girls as they do a recap and dissect what’s going on. They’re the binge-watching friends you never knew you needed.

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